Aerie: Spotlight
For the full Spotlight Experience purchase the Magazine!
Letter From the Web Editor
The Aerie website started as a solution to keep the magazine alive during quarantine, but I am so grateful that the staff decided to keep it as the other half of Aerie. It has brought about so many new and exciting possibilities to expand on the magazine as a whole.
I was originally emailed by Mrs. Bruzzese my sophomore year to come in and help the staff complete the website. The next year I signed up for the class and continued to work on the web team. This year as head of web design I wanted the website to feel more like an extension of Aerie and not just a place for digital art work. I think that goal was accomplished with this year's site as it includes a mix of short and long literary works, photography, songs, traditional art work and of course digital pieces. I’ve had the privilege of watching this site blossom from a temporary fix to a fully produced, professional website and it has truly amazed me.
I want to give a huge thank you to our editor in chief Lily for leading the staff and working with me to coordinate the Aerie website with the physical magazine, Issy our submissions editor for keeping the whole staff organized and to Anna for helping me create and produce the website.
Thank you Mrs. Bruzzese for getting me involved in Aerie and for being a phenomenal director. It has been a pleasure to be on the staff and work with you for the past two years, you have taught me so much and I will miss this class dearly.
Hope you enjoy Aerie: Spotlight,
Lillee Vest
Letter From the Advisor
The inclusion of an advisor letter began with the creation of the web portion of the Aerie Experience. It was my idea. Boy, do I regret that decision! How do I tell the students of Aerie how fun and rewarding it was to work with them in a way that doesn't sound like every other time I've said that to a class or staff? But that's the thing -- each group of students creates their own "flavor". This year's staff was no exception.
Aerie: Spotlight was put together by brand new and repeating staff members. There were athletes, artists, and non-conformists on staff. There were classic and unconventional students on staff. It was a varied group. Sometimes, varied groups don't work out. This time it did. With beautiful results.
I would like to spotlight their efforts to work together and work outside of their comfort zones to produce the magazine. I am proud of you. I will miss you.
B
Acknowledgements
The Firebird English Department
For always supporting the advisor and the students of Aerie
Miss Caroline Rhea
For listening to our problems and giving helpful suggestions. Good luck with teaching!
Mrs. Emily Bruzzese
For being our fearless leader and never giving up on us.
Mr. Jared Parker
For patiently receiving too many emails from Mrs. Bruzzese and always responding kindly.
Kenzie Baker and Colin Smith
For formatting all our art for layout.
Fairmont Students
For sharing your creativity with us. Keep creating!
Authors & Artists in Order of Appearance
Saba Halabi ~ It's Okay to Leave Your Dog in a Hot Car
Kenzie Baker ~ Floral Flat
Toby McElwee ~ going home.
Farzonakhon Izatullaeva
Eve Glascoe ~ Gold Coins
Ellie McCall ~ Gateway
Ellie McCall ~ City Rush
Eve Glascoe ~ Misty Coyote
Ruben Baker ~ Megalophobia
Marlee Gibson ~ Snared
Charlie Cute ~ Stolas' Grimoire
Joey Estes ~ Love
Georgia Sosebee ~ Natural Beauty
Ruben Baker ~ Generations
Jay Smith ~ Dear One Who Breaks My Defenses
A.M. ~ Development & Growth
Gabby Campbell ~ You
Emma Dietsch ~ 10 Things I Hate About Myself
Lily Rueckhaus ~ Double Vision
Kenzie Baker ~ Carved in My Heart
Kaia Williams ~ Who is She?
Lillee Vest ~ Take Me to Church
Anna Gustin ~ Raphael
Lily Rueckhaus ~ Safe Girl
Muntadher Hazaa ~ Guardian Despair
Natalie Rozier ~ lying.
Georgia Sosebee ~ enough
Anonymous ~ She is Not Enough
Hashim Al Samarrai ~ Summer Rain
Asha Horton ~ ὅλος (hólos)
Ella Gustin ~ A Place in My Heart
Gaberial Shaw ~ Joker Portrait
Toby McElwee ~ Chadrick
Kenzie Baker ~ Amanita Mugs
Reagan Daley ~ Pi Poem
Marlee Gibson ~ Recreation
Penelope Ericson ~ Experience
Floral Flat
Kenzie Baker
Pottery
going home.
Toby McElwee
They tore down the old house last January.
Not this year, but last year, the one before.
I drove by it with my sister, in hopes for some
something. Anything? I wasn’t quite sure,
but it was gone.
No one ever tells you this when your home is torn down,
But when you close your eyes, it's still there.
You can feel your way through the hall between your and your brothers' rooms
with dirt beneath your feet and in between your toes and in your teeth,
and you can walk up stairs while falling down hills and slamming your knees into pavement.
You can do many things with your eyes shut.
You can’t make the house come back, though.
I think I stood there for a mere minute, simply…
staring, I think.
Then I walked up the (dirt) driveway,
into the (dirt) entryway, stared at the sky, stared
up. I don’t know how long it’d been this way,
and I don’t remember when my sister got out of the car,
but I think I just stared.
Farzonakhon Izatullaeva
Digital Art
Gold Coins
Eve Glascoe
I sleep with necklaces wrapped in layers around my
neck; the jingles lull me to sleep, and wake me like
morning birds in an ancient song of jewels and
stone.
Collars loose as chainmail, change the whole idea.
Toothpaste and blood string my sense and my
snout, the blend of pink changes the whole idea.
I wear these necklaces in preparation, for the
morning I won’t hear the bird’s sweet song, for the
evening fire that boils the golden coins into my
eyelids like welded buttons.
Achilles changed the idea for us all; but in his
bloodshed, there was no line of Patroclus and us.
The world became one again, even in his sweet
limping death.
City Rush
Ellie McCall
Digital Art
Misty Coyote
Eve Glascoe
those roads hold rotting leaves rushing into the
drains, flowing strong with heavy gray tears.
losing you; losing the other too, that greatest
moment of my divine fear.
more pain than distance, to lose a soul from this
complete Earth.
your god is visionary, the Earth forever even in its
bits and pieces. believe in the grass, the deers you
come upon, the coyote dashing across the farm fields in
the dead of autumn. Their pieces are forever, matter
never disappearing this realm's iron hearth.
these days i feel funny; though i might feel real. the
forest sings my names, not the names family
squeeze into my rib cage, they only see onto my
thin layers of skin, ignoring the drumming of my
bones, the silver moon in my eyes, sharp claws that
leave gashes across my chest.
one day, i will feel this real again, when the world's
names erase into my bones. when i am laid in the
mossy roots, finally for my needed rest.
Megalophobia
Ruben Baker
Acrylic
Snared
Marlee Gibson
Mixed Media
Stolas' Grimoire
Charlie Cute
Photography
Love
Joey Estes
Song
Natural Beauty
Georgia Sosebee
Photography
Generations
Ruben Baker
I am the same blood, sweat,
tears, bruises, smiles,
losses, late nights, early mornings,
bad grades, broken hearts,
terrible haircuts, new friends,
and love as the generations before me,
and those before them.
Dear One Who Breaks My Defenses
Jay Smith
This thought breathes in me, how do we love without losing
The most tender parts of ourselves to something so temporary?
See now why I fear pursuing
What we called love; it shall land me in the cemetery
I do not shy from commitment, rather the contrary
Giving far too much to one who I am not sure will accept
Never learning from mistakes I see the pattern will not vary
This will end me here drowning in the silent tears I wept
In the dark shroud of night, where the quiet comforts and erodes my pain
However, all I cried out for was to hear their voice
Words of compassion that I will never obtain
Because though a newfound love is something to rejoice
Will I ever feel the warm touch of a hand
Brush against this head of mine that weighs so heavy on my shoulders
Or is this simply just a symphony of lies, visions escaping like sand
Somewhere inside, embers fading to smolders
As my last hope disappears as a raven; such solitary creatures they are
Not wanting to crumble to foundations of what has been built
I shall watch this unfold from afar
Wondering how many drops of blood and tears had been spilt
For me to find myself here, in this place that is a person
Where I can set myself free but must still be wary
Cannot make an assertion
That it is my strengths as well as my evils that they are willing to carry
Alongside me in this wretched storm
A raven died of fear in my path, so afraid of solitude, yet ‘tis his nature
Never could quite conform
To the ostracization of his world; he felt there was something greater
A different breeze waiting to catch his wings
But incredibly scared of what it would take, the losses he could face
Completely losing sight of where the angel sings
If it were not for the dread, the raven could have lived, may have found his grace
But we can never love without losing
A piece of us
Development & Growth
A.M.
Photography
You
Gabby Campbell
I love you for all the wrong reasons.
And one of them is you not being here,
And the second is us not being together.
Because without you being here I can't mess everything up like I usually do.
So I can live this “perfect life” imagining the thoughts of you without hurting you more.
You don't deserve whatever is going on in your head,
but I know that when you figure it out you will let me be there for you again
without destroying what you have built.
I fell in love with what we could be,
and it wasn't any different from what we already had.
I still have reminders of you on my phone.
I want you.
I want you on the days that you feel free,
I want you every day in every life of ours.
I want you on the days when you don't even want me.
I will be here every step of the way right next to you, waiting for my day to arise.
Possibly the only toxic trait of mine is how deeply I care for you.
I could never apologize for it even if I tried.
I will never want someone “better” because the only thing better than you is us.
You may have thought that it was easy for me to watch you leave,
but it was the hardest thing for me to witness.
To just “be friends” is killing me slowly due to how deeply I care and love for you.
I will wait so that you can have your time for as long as it takes.
Just stay with me.
I want you to know that every day I don't talk to you I die a tiny bit.
I want you to know that you are the thing that I think about every waking moment of the day.
I look for you in the hallway, sometimes you look sad and I just want to give you a giant hug.
But whenever you are smiling, I know that you are happy even though now having me around is hard to know but it's great for you to have.
This will be an epic love story one day.
I will be waiting as long as it takes,
only for you.
10 Things I Hate About Myself
Emma Dietsch
Based on "10 Things I Hate about You"
I hate that I’m so quiet
I hate that I’m so bland
I hate that there are some things
That I really just can’t stand
I hate that I’m a contradiction
I hate that I’m so meek
I hate that when I look at myself
All that I see is weak
I hate that I’m not memorable
I hate that I’m too nice
I hate that I feel like I can’t do it
Like I’m not enough to suffice
But most of all
I hate that I’m writing this
And making myself feel bad
Destroying any good self-esteem
That I ever really had
Double Vision
Lily Rueckhaus
Digital Mixed Media
Carved in My Heart
Kenzie Baker
Carving
Who is She?
Kaia Williams
Who is she?
The person staring blankly back into my eyes
Hot tears stream down her face
I find myself reaching to wipe them for her
The years are shown through the many harsh lines on her face
She's withering away
“Only 15, I'm only 15”, she whispers to herself
that girl is me
Raphael
Anna Gustin
Photography
Safe Girl
Lily Rueckhaus
I always look both ways before I cross the street.
I always lock my car.
I always say good morning,
And proofread papers,
And arrive on time.
But I never think before I speak-
It gets me in trouble.
Like mom always told me it would.
And mom always told me
To never trust a man.
To never leave my drink unattended,
To never walk alone at night,
To never dress too slutty,
or get too drunk.
So I always keep my guard up-
So it will never be my fault.
Because it's always the safe girl's fault,
And never his.
Guardian Despair
Muntadher Hazaa
Digital Art
lying.
Natalie Rozier
Sometimes, I try to lie
Lies are hard for me, I value nothing but the truth.
I try to lie to my friends,
Tell them what they want to hear me say.
But the words just slip off my tongue
And trip over my teeth as they fall out of my mouth.
The border that once existed in between my brain and my mouth
Weakens over the years.
The older I get, the more I wish it was still there.
I try to lie to my mom,
Yes, I’m doing okay.
Yes, I am happy.
With her the border exist, but its small.
The words are weaker when they stumble around my mouth
Barely able to sustain themselves for long.
She always believes them,
No matter how little they are.
I try to lie to myself,
Say what I want to hear in my brain.
But whenever I do,
The words arent there.
They're dead, took one breathe and collasped.
The border that was already weak and worn,
Is long gone before I can ever try.
I try to lie to myself,
But no matter how hard I try,
I always know the truth instead.
enough
Georgia Sosebee
what is enough?
if there is always more.
enough
as much or as many as required.
is it a real thing?
am i smart enough?
am i pretty enough?
if enough isn’t a thing
then why am i constantly being
told
to
do
more
i work, i study, i practice. i want to be good,
but maybe i don’t want it enough.
the constant comparisons
as distinct as silver and gold
both rare, but one more than the other
if there is always more,
then how much is enough?
She is Not Enough
Anonymous
She is not enough.
All her bad decisions,
Glued into the crevices of her mind.
Worry leaks from her head to her chest,
Filling her heart, the weight of it tangible.
She is messy, not graceful.
She is insane, not admirable.
She is a failure, not a “she”.
Sometimes she fits in.
Wearing the brightest lipstick,
Liking dresses and loving pink,
She’s trying too hard.
Sometimes she sticks out.
Watching every baseball game,
Liking trains and science,
She’s trying too hard.
The blind didn’t need glasses to see her failure,
The deaf didn’t need sound to hear her despair.
If she’s not good enough, then who is she?
She is a person.
She is trying.
She’s the girl who dances in the kitchen,
After an unbearable day of work.
She’s the girl that compliments peoples shoes,
Knowing they need the kindness.
She’s the girl who works her hardest,
Who never stops trying.
She is not enough,
But she tries.
Summer Rain
Hashim Al Samarrai
Summer rain
Hot and cold
Falling water
Shines of gold
Nighttime air
Smells of sleep
Counting raindrops
Like they’re sheep
Day and night
Doesn’t matter
The sun’s light
In raindrops scatter
ὅλος (hólos)
Asha Horton
Paint Markers
A Place in My Heart
Ella Gustin
A place in my heart was given. It was out for someone to fill however they choose. It was there to give them comfort, warmth, so they could have someone who loved them. Anyone who wanted in could come in. I was naive. I was reckless with my heart.
I let them walk in and walk out whenever they wanted. I let them string me along because when they came back, I felt whole again. I can’t count how many times people walked in and out. I will not say how many people took advantage of the space I gave.
Because when someone leaves, all you can do is move on. You accept that they’re gone and move on through time.
But when they leave it hurts. Like a stab to the gut, something being removed from where it was. Sadness flows from it like blood from a wound. So you’re there all alone, waiting for them to come back, to patch your wound, to come back to you. You’d wait for them to give you a hand and pick you up, and hold you close, telling you they love you and never wanted to hurt you.
I became okay with people walking in and out. The hurt subsided and I thought it was something normal. I thought it was something that was just part of friendship. But I was wrong. That’s not what friends do. Friends don’t break your heart.
Because that place in my heart could not be a gaping wound forever. I couldn’t justify the pain it caused me, so I guarded my heart. It healed. It became a scar that was sensitive to new friendships. So when someone else took a place in my heart, and they walked out, I didn’t leave it open for them to come back in. When they left me lying on the ground, I’d pick myself up, dust off my knees, and go.
There are places in my heart that people reside in, the people who won’t walk away. The people who won’t hurt me over and over.
Though the hurt has left me scarred, left me scared of connecting with people, my heart is still full.
I don’t need the people who won’t stay around, I don’t have to put up with the pain they bring me. So I don’t. I don’t owe them the time of day, I don’t owe them that place in my heart. That place that has healed. They aren’t welcome. They leave, so I don’t let them back.
My heart is not something for people to take advantage of. My kindness is not something they can take and leave with. They cannot take, and take, and take, without me running out of kindness to give.
I think they forget I’m a person too. They forget I have my limits. How much I can take before I decide it’s too much?
Though they left me hurting, my heart is full again. It is guarded, I don’t let just anyone in, they have to earn it. But my heart is full. It is full with the things I love, the things I take joy in. It is full with the people I love, who won’t leave me. There’s no longer any space for the people who will. If they want to hurt me, to take advantage of what I gave them, they are not my friends.
They do not deserve a place in my heart.
Joker Portrait
Gaberial Shaw
Chadrick
Toby McElwee
Sculpture
Explain?
Amanita Mugs
Kenzie Baker
Pottery
Explain?
Pi Poem
Reagan Daley
Pi oh pi as I let out a sigh
We have a love hate relationship
You fill my mind with great skills
But then you turn around and make me feel ill
The delicate numbers within you
They soften the blow of which would come true
Celebrated on the day of March 14th
You never cease to make me feel weak
I feel unimpressed with myself once I learn who you are
You’ll leave and escape me in a few years but I will be left with a few scars
The digits of you go on forever
And I have never remembered them, as just the thought fills me with terror
I’ve always thought that math was my best subject
Until it wasn’t and I believe you are the suspect
I still persevere trying my best everyday
But what will become of me?
What price will I have to pay?
This is a day to celebrate the change you have made
But it seems I am one of the only who has had this difficulty reflect onto my grade
Recreation
Marlee Gibson
Felted Wool
Experience
Penelope Ericson
You thought me to be inexperienced
But little did you know
I had done this type of thing before
And am very skilled
You thought I would be running back to you
Begging for your forgiveness
Explain to me why you are now at my feet
Begging for mercy
Death is natural
It shouldn't be fought
Especially by a cheater
They know the rules, they just ignore
You saw the side chick on the floor
Or was I the side chick?
I asked what I wanted to know
But you didn’t answer
If you had the energy for multiple relationships
Why don’t you have energy to talk
Is it because of her corpse
Laying on the floor beside us
You said you didn’t know what had happened to me
As if there was something wrong
But what would ever make you think
That I didn’t have experience
Disclaimer
The opinions expressed in Aerie are those of the authors and artists. They do not purport to relflect the opinions or views of Fairmont High School or the Aerie staff. The designations employed in this publication and the presentation of material therein do not imply the expression of any opinion whatsoever on the part of the Kettering City Schools. The structure within these works is as they were submitted to us.